I have experimented with portions of the treament in the past, but not all at once. I've been doing this current treatment for about 1 week. I will give it 5 more weeks before i comment on any changes in my health. I may also be tweaking the protocal slightly as i continue my observations and research.

02/20/06

I have a lot of time to myself these days, and I'm not too eager to fill it with busyness, at least not yet. I've been finding great pleasure in some of the simpler life rituals. One of those rituals is my daily two-and-a-half minute walk to refill my water jug at the Commons area of my apartment complex. There is a drinking water station there, 25 cents a gallon, much higher quality than the tap water. It is perhaps the most peaceful 6 minutes of my day.
Dreams thrive when the waking world is dry; this has been the case for me the past month. I stayed inside this weekend. As a result I had many parties in my sleep. They were filled with exuberant people, celebration, lights, music, dancing, and psychedelic experiences. The fact that one can have an LSD trip during sleep, without the physical presence of the drug, certainly provides an insight into the nature of mind.

At first i thought i was just being neurotic, thinking that I had food allergies that weren't really there. More and more, I am in fact becoming more sensitive to the most common food allergens. Take peanuts, for example. I had been staying away from them recently because of a feared allergy. Today I bought some trail mix; it was on sale half price and at first glance looked like something i could eat. So i got home and put a handful in my mouth. About ten seconds later the roof of my mouth started itching, a feeling that I am increasingly associating with food reactions. Indeed, I looked around and saw peanuts. Boh. Anybody want some trail mix? Well, to look on the bright side, my environmental allergies have just about disappeared down here in Arizona, just as I had been told. I can breathe through both of my nostrils (WOW what a concept!) and sneeze as much or less than the next person. Ahh...
Now for a quote I have found from a book I have been gradually sludging through, The Singularity is Near, by Ray Kurzweil. I find most of his discussions to be on the optimistic side, but I also find great joy in pondering the implications of his propositions of the future. Anyway, on with this particular quote.
"At one's first and simplest attempts to philosophize, one becomes entangled in questions of whether when one knows something one knows that one knows it, and what, when one is thinking of oneself, is being thought about, and what is doing the thinking. After one has been puzzled and bruised by this (125) problem for a long time, one learns not to press these questions: the concept of a conscious being is, implicitly, realized to be different from that of an unconscious object. In saying that a conscious being knows something, we are saying not only that he knows it, but that he knows that he knows it, and that he knows that he knows that he knows it, and so on, as long as we care to pose the question: there is, we recognize, an infinity here, but it is not an infinite regress in the bad sense, for it is the questions that peter out, as being pointless, rather than the answers."

My immediate reaction to this quote was "Who is to say that a plant or flower is not more wise than this incessantly pondering philosopher, for it is the plant that has realized, perhaps since the beginning of time, to not ask these questions, and to let the infinity flow through it freely?" This brings me to my next topic.

It seems that Consciousness can be defined in terms of tension, a paradox if you will. The issue with humans is that they take too much effort into modifying their tensions, as if they are trying to solve the paradox. When one realizes the pointlessness of that endeavor and lets the tensions occur as they were, amazing things happen. In fact, if you are bored with life, stop trying to control it, and your mind will surprise you with many new experiences. It sounds kind of backwards, as the initial reaction to feeling out of control is to try to control it, but its true. Don't let yourself do what you want to do. Let those feelings go, and then you will start traveling down a new path. When we take too much effort into controlling, we end up taking the same paths over and over. Obviously this leads to the boredom / frustration so commonly observed in our Society. It is the reason why 95% of all music being made is a walking cliche. We are taking too much control of the music and making the same played out decision every time, and the listeners, having been through those same things as well, are not going to be stimulated by it, only imprisoned by it.

To tie this in to a larger concept, I found this link through my friend Bill Fields. The only thing that stood out to me was the first diagram on that page. The article is centered around working with software (and is a tad uninspired so I don't recommend reading the entire thing) but I immediately applied that diagram to my entire life. I feel bad when I take on too little challenge, and I feel bad when I am faced with too great a challenge. Every effort should be spent eradicating these situations (which is a challenge unto itself), for the rewards of finding that sweet spot are the best feelings that life has to offer. Getting there requires two things: Restraint and a leap of faith. It requires one to restrain oneself from repeating the same decisions, causing boredom (what i just talked about) and it requires a leap of faith head-long into the challenge. I've said this a hundred times, but I'll say it one more time. Anxiety is your mind's way of saying you have to do something that you haven't done yet, and you know damn well what it is. Just fucking do it. Anxiety is not a medical condition to be treated with medication, it is simply your brain telling you there's something you have to do. It is a completely natural feeling. It is the reflex that has made humans accomplish so much through the millennia. You can't lose as long as you just try. Even if you fail, at least you won't be anxious anymore, and I guarantee you'll learn something that will help you succeed the next time around. Sheesh. Enough with the fucking Xanax already.

I've stopped using AOL instant messenger. Too many cows. Now I have fewer cows to bother me, but still too many.
One last thing before I end my rant tonight. I understand the good intentions with 'comments' sections on people's personal blogs, but in practice, it is just no good. Why would I let some dumbass reader have the last word on what I write? I have read through too many comment windows and read too little of value to think that it is anything more than an outlet for flaming egos. I think it is much more beautiful thing to just let it go (recurring theme?). Regarding community blogs, sure, comments are great because it is meant to be a discussion, but for something like this, if you really want to comment on what I have to say, write me an email. In this world of impersonal automated and/or mass messages, I am humbled when anybody goes out of their way to send me a personal email.

02/16/06

On Friday, February 24, I will be making a live appearance on radio frequency 91.3 KXCI, Tucson AZ, for a live set on Digital Empire, hosted by DJ Trinidad. For those of you now in the Tucson Area, they do have an Internet stream which I will link to when the day draws nearer. On a related note, I've finally revived my desire to make music. Until last night I hadn't felt much inspiration since arriving in town. That kinda goes along with my traditional cycle of creation. I often take a break in January, and then production ramps up in mid-February and goes into full swing through March and into April.
Sunsets here the past couple days have been unbelievable. In DE peak sunset time lasted maybe 5 minutes, 10 minutes for a super great sunset. Here, peak sunset lasts at least twice as long.; it goes through many equally beautiful stages.

02/12/06

My listening habits have been notably changing over the past few weeks. It is hard to describe how I've been tuning into music differently than before, but my focus has certainly shifted. In a sense, I have started back at 'page 1' to the roots of our rhythms, the fundamental pulse, and I seek refinement from there. It feels like home to me; an ideal space in which infinite, coherent time can be expressed (I understand how space and time are inextricably linked; when I talk about one, I am talking about the other, despite the tendency to comprehend them as different).
At the moment I have the benefit of a very unique perspective. I sit at the crossroads of two schools of musical perception; two radically different approaches of captivating the listener. Each musical school causes vastly differing brain activity. Without going into too much detail on the differences, one school relys on an implied center, whereas the other school relys on a highly defined center. Both schools eventually come back to a defined center, but the difference is the rate, or frequency, at which they directly refer to that center. In the coming months I shall be exploring the definitions of space, and how these definitions affect how we feel, how we perceive the world, and how we understand the very notion of space.

Yay. got internet connection again (thanks Matt for the router, in addition for letting me park my ass at his crib for a week). Yesterday was the most awesome day of my life. I found a sweet job, and I moved into my new apartment. In a matter of one week I have found my footing as a resident of Tucson, Arizona. Yes. Seeing as I have been sleeping in my car for the past three days, and sleeping in an allergen-filled house the previous 5 days, it was very nice to cozy up in a nice place I can call my own.

01/29/06

So tonight i made my first excursion into downtown, AKA the business district of Tucson, to a club called Heart-Five. It was there I happened upon the only group of VJs in Tucson, the AAA posse. Hopefully I will be working with them in the future, as it seems we are coming from similar angles, one being that our main live tool is Arkaos. Next week they will be doing there thing at a big party in Phoenix. Good times.

01/24/06

After five days and $250 in gas, I have successfully completed my immigration to Tucson, AZ. My first 24 hours have been filled with visions of a brighter future. There is a friendly and inexpensively-priced food co-op within walking distance of the house, in addition to a wealth of juice-bars and vegetarian restraunts. The weather is downright gorgeous. Making headway in new connections. Will report more later.

01/17/06

Boh. I fixed my Links. Thanks Kupo.

01/15/06

01/06/06

01/02/06

01/01/06